


It's difficult

by Gemini_Pt_1



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Coming Out, Mother-Son Relationship, Period-Typical Homophobia, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 01:26:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19307836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_Pt_1/pseuds/Gemini_Pt_1
Summary: It's difficult.It's the 1940's Steve and his mother talk about love. There is something Steve withholds. His mother is curious. He is very scared.





	It's difficult

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dream a Little Dream of Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680250) by [brooklynbex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynbex/pseuds/brooklynbex). 



> this work is inspired by Chapter 3.  
> I wanted Steve to have a longer talk with his mother and experience how she might react to such a thing with it being the 1940s and all.

“Steve,” she said this time, voice suddenly concerned by his silence.  
“I’ve been seeing someone.”, he blurted out, anxious.  
“It’s been really… nice”, he swallowed.  
Her face lit up again.  
“How wonderful, sweetie! Who’s the lucky girl? Do I know her?”  
Steve’s heart clenched. He frowned.  
“Don’t ask me that, Ma.”  
Sarah’s face dropped.  
“Why?” she asked.  
“Because you know I can’t lie to you,” he replied, trying to hold her steady gaze.  
“Now why would you have to lie, Steve?” She reached out for his hand. Steve sighd and squeezed her delicate fingers in his. “You know you can tell me anything.”  
"I do-  
(Dream a little dream of me chapter 3)

it's just..." Steve had weighed his chances of being disowned or getting kicked out.  
"Forget about it. Another time. Don't ya need to leave for work or something?" He scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact.  
"Yes, but not right now.", she paused for a moment, "Steve, honey, is there something you want to tell me?", his mother said with the most loving smile on her face while she held his hand. Steve looked up at her wishing to escape this dilemma. He would not dare estimate how innocent or how right his mother's guess was at the moment.  
"It's fine, dear. Whatever it is, just tell me.", she assured him.

Steve took a deep breath to collect himself.  
"I- I can't just tell you, Ma." Tears burned in his eyes.  
She squeezed his hand and whispered softly "If not your mother, who will you tell these things."  
There was no way out.  
"Ma, I- it's-, he stuttered," I don't know how to tell you. You don’t understand-"  
"Go on, I'll try." She really was persistent and it showed Steve all the more that this was a save space. Right there, home with his mother.

Steves thoughts tumbled over each other trying to find the right words, words that did the least harm. He searched desperately for a way to avoid saying it out loud. He was too scared of the consequences. As if only pronouncing the words resulted in physical pain.

Steve closed his eyes for a moment. A wave loomed over him. The dark marine blue towered there, threatening to crush him. He felt the pressure approaching.  
"Ma, I might be-", he began.  
Would it crash and drown him?  
His mother waited patiently for him to finish.  
"I think I might be...gay.", he croaked. Petrified, he stared at the floorboards, bracing himself for the impact of the wave.

His mother breathed in, stroking her thumb over the back of his hand.  
"Oh, Stevie...", she sighed.  
Steve wiped away the tears that dripped down his cheeks, despite his effort to not break down in front of his mother.  
“For how long have you known?”, she asked calmly. "Since...I don't know. Long time. I guess.”  
She nodded.

“I don't know what to do. It’s not that I’m a different person now. I’m-"  
The tears were streaming down Steve’s face.  
"Mama! You must not tell anyone. Please. No one can know about this."  
“I know...I know.”, she said slowly, “Come here, darling”  
She reached out to pull her son into a hug and Steve happily sank into his mother’s arms.  
He heard a sniffling, then his mother tucked his head under her chin.  
“My sweet boy...”, she said softly.  
Steve was holding on to his mother for dear life.  
She combed through his hair with her fingers and they stayed like that of a moment.  
“Please, don't hate me, Ma.”  
"No, Honey. No don't ever say that. I would never-"  
"Why? Why don't you?"  
"Steve! I am your mother. What mother am I to not love my son. What were you expecting?  
There was a pause.  
"I'm only hoping ...you can find happiness the way you are, because I am afraid can't help you with this."  
"Love you, Ma."  
"Love you too, Stevie"

A few minutes ticked away.  
"What's with Bucky?"  
"Bucky? He...", Steve stuttered, “Well, I don't know...I don't think so. I guess not...pretty sure.”  
"Oh well... it's a shame. Could have been someone", Steve lifted his head, "...for you to talk to, I mean. Someone that understands you."  
It truly hurt; the feeling that even his mother wasn't able to help him and the loneliness and helplessness that there was no one he could reach out to.

Sarah was thinking.  
"Is that why Bucky keeps calling you punk."  
"No. Ma. No, that's not.", Steve freed himself from their embrace.  
"We're just mocking each other."  
"Does he know."  
"No. NO. No way. I wasn't gonna tell anyone."  
"Not even me. "  
"Yeah."  
"Well then, might be for the better."  
thank you your help is greatly appreciated.  
I’ll gladly help you whenever I can

The clock in their hallway rang. 11.30.  
His mother sighed.  
"Duty calls." She smoothed Steve's hair back then put her hands on his shoulders.  
"Take care of yourself, Steve. The world outside isn't nice to people like you."  
Steve nodded. The world wasn't nice to him at any given time, gay or not.  
… besser?  
May the world come at him. But he was Steve Rogers. He wasn’t going to give in easily.


End file.
